What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.

There have been a few things on my mind as of late. Mostly I've been thinking about happiness pretty often and what makes people truly happy and what does it mean to be "happy." I guess I first started thinking about this around my birthday. I was out with some friends---all of whom are un-married and do not have children. They were complaining about how they "don't have their lives together" and that they need to start thinking about getting everything in "order." I found this hugely amusing because this is the same conversation I have internally almost every day, although I have some of the elements that they considered important for fulfilling the status-quo of "life togetherness" which are: 

1. Husband
2. Kid or "family"

I found myself automatically thinking of all of the things that they do have that I do not have like jobs, more personal freedom, the ability to take a shower/potty break without a toddler screaming "Mama! Mama, I need you!" and I brought this up to my friend about how I found it very entertaining that she was complaining about all of the things that I have but take for granted and I complain about all of the things that she has and takes for granted. I'll just go ahead and say this (and also risk sounding just like my grandmother) ---we certainly are jaded. Why is it that we just can't be happy with what we have? Then again, I suppose that is the million dollar question.
I have always thought about how I can be happier. I've done a few things to try to achieve this goal, but nothing ever very seriously and with a lot of effort. I found a very interesting website by Gretchen Rubin author of the book (which I must read) The Happiness Project. I won't go into detail; she explains everything on her website (and is more eloquent than me). However, this is much more proof that most people are sitting around thinking about happiness, being happy, and how to go about doing so.

I've tried to be more mindful about my life since learning about Buddhism in college. The connection between--- not really "happiness"--- but being content (which I feel is a more accurate goal) and mindfulness is pretty strong. I felt this connection for myself as I watched the chapters in my Psychology text books flow in and out of the words written in Buddhist books such as A Still Forest Pool by Achaan Chah to the point of becoming just one text. I kept thinking, "Man, that makes so much sense!" While in graduate school, I learned about Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy and it all seemed to fall into place for me. Then life happened—as it always will, and I put graduate school on hold to be with A. James and watch her grow. I didn't forget about mindfulness, I just didn't see how it could be important to me if I wasn't using it to work with clients. I made a pretty common mistake. Not to mention that it is a mistake I've made before and should have learned from (especially, if I was being mindful). This is the mistake in thinking that knowledge isn't useful if other people can't see you use it. I'm going to try really hard to not make this mistake anymore.


Two things I am going to be mindful of in the future are:

1. Thinking that my college education was a "waste" because of my choice to stay home with my daughter and feeling guilty about my college loan payments.
2. Feeling that it is "silly" to continue to learn about mindfulness methods because I "won't ever use them" in the clinical setting. I can find tons of use for them at home.