Where I share too much personal information----again.



Yeah, this never happens.

 You know those little adorable angel children who take scheduled naps every single day of their lives until their mothers have to begrudgingly stop the naps so they can go to kindergarten? Or those moms you see pushing a cart around the store with their darling five year old asleep in the back? Those well-rested, un-frazzled looking mothers who are always talking about all of these projects they are working on/books they are finishing while their children drift away to dreamland every afternoon?


Well. I don’t know where you go to obtain a child like that, but I very obviously was shopping at the wrong store. Occasionally, we will run into a person who is unaware of my sleepless child and they will make the comment to A. James, “Oh, it must be getting around nap time! You look tired.” I don’t know what they are seeing---I haven’t seen my child look “tired” or have used the words “nap time” since she was 16 months old.

Am I bitter? Not so much. I found out a long, long time ago that our days go much smoother without a napping child. First, taking a nap causes A. James to transform into something between the Kracken and Rosemary’s baby. Getting that extra two hours of sleep does something terrible to her and even on our worst days my husband and I don’t wish she would nap. “Ava no-nap” is always, ALWAYS better than “Ava with Nap.” I promise.

Secondly, it provides me with more flexibility.

Do I want to visit my grandmother at 1? Sure!

Would I like to go on a trip out of town at noon? Awesome!

No need to work around the schedule of a sleeping kiddo. Ever.

So far it hasn’t been bad. The only reason I am starting to panic about a non-napping toddler is because my wonderful and loving husband continues to suggest we add another child into the mix. I love him. I love my little A. James. She is wonderful with little babies. He is wonderful with little babies. She has even started asking when I am going to give her a brother and sister (adorable, although I can’t rule out that my husband isn’t bribing her to ask). So the problem?

I adore sleeping. I also have the reverse problem of A. James. No sleep=Kracken/Rosemary’s Baby for me. I can’t be entirely sure that I won’t eat my entire family and destroy a small Greek village if I get less sleep than I do now. Some days are already pushing it. Also, there is a pretty high chance that Baby 2 will be a no-napper too.

Deep. Sigh.


Why oh why can’t I just be like 90% of the female population and just pop another kid out (or three or four) and not think anything about it? When I hear so-and-so is having another baby I immediately start panicking for them. I think about everything----

What do I do if they both wake up in the night at the same time?

What do I do if baby 2 is trying to nap and A. James won’t leave me alone long enough to put him/her down?

What is A. James becomes insanely jealous and her personality changes and she is a terror---all because we had another child!

What if I can't breastfeed my second child as long as my first?

What month do I try to conceive? I can’t be tied up with a baby during canning season (seriously---I worry about this).

How am I going to milk a cow with a new baby? (I don’t currently have a cow to milk, but this might be a problem someday).

See. I told you I over think.

This isn't the scariest part for me though.

I really, really want to be a good mom. (Who doesn't right?)  For me this includes a semi-long list of things I expect of myself as a mother.



You put the "om" in mom.

Being a overall calm, rational, loving, compassionate person.  Not just toward my children---but toward myself and others as well.  I have always wanted to be more well rounded and laid back instead of the neurotic person I see myself as.  The kind of woman who welcomes more children and doesn't freak about all of the random scenarios that could POSSIBLY occur.

Ironically enough---I am worried about the stress of two children.  The probelm with not finding "me" time to work on being calm, collected, together.  Also, I don't want to have to slack on important parental issues because I wont have the time or the patience.  (For example; I really want to cloth diaper if I have another child.).  Also, healthy eating is super important to me.  Will I have the time to prepare fresh healthy meals and chase around two children?  What about owning and managing a farm?  It is possible to juggle everything and not end up a complete loon?  I mean I am already starting to turn gray and I'm not even 30! 

I hate not knowing!

Please, if any of you parents are out there with multiple children---ADVICE!  I don't ever hear anyone express anything but pure bliss when they find out they are having children or when they talk about wanting more children.  Am I just insane?  Is it normal to feel this way?